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Ever since the pandemic, my stagnant life is somehow taking an interesting turning point. I’m not talking about the “y’all my life is freakin’ awesome” kind of life but how it’s been really mentally challenging.

I talked a bit about it in my previous post but no worries, even tho it’s been quite heavy lately I don’t feel as gloomy as when life was too stagnant or when I’m deprived of most of my freedom. I have the clarity needed to look back at my experiences, be grateful for what seems to be the blessings in disguise, and let go of what seems toxic and unhealthy.

I wouldn’t think I will have the time to read and learn more about philosophy and spirituality if it wasn’t because of the period of rest that I spent back in my hometown. I know, I’m still a beginner. There are so many things I still have yet to learn. The difference is I’m not completely clueless and became more mindful of my thought process. I accept both of my good and bad thoughts with more kindness. I meditate more and finally understand the calm and present one’s could experience in yoga practice. This helps me a lot to survive every day’s mental struggles that come along as part of adulting.

Nevertheless, working on 9 to 5 job is still a tough challenge for my mental strength. I mean, not many people truly love their office work and I’m one of them. Like seriously, if it wasn’t because of the fact that my plans were all ruined thanks to the pandemic, I would try my best to stay away from any kind of 9 to 5 job anytime soon. But my bills (and at that moment my mom’s as well) are not gonna pay themselves by staying at home without monthly income. Well, I did some odd jobs that gave me income but it wasn’t at the amount that I’ll receive from regular jobs.

So yeah, here I am already working for my current company for about 153 days. A food and beverage company, 302 days to go until the end of my contract. As I’m working for my current company, I miss the bonds I had with my colleagues from my previous job. Here is all about work, work, and more work. We merely exist as people doing their jobs and the company have to squeeze us until the last drop for just that much money they pay monthly. Because the work nature is very draining, I really don’t have anyone to talk to at the office. It’s like in everyone’s heads they only think about work. Sometimes I even feel guilty about taking a little break just to rest my eyes and my head that’s starting to hurt. Hence since February, I decided to take my lunch break much later to avoid burnout. I also decided to always go somewhere else because it’s just impossible to get a 100% rest by staying at the office.

It’s really hard and I’m still learning how to not get myself emotionally influenced by this situation. Because most of the time burnout spreads fast and affecting my whole mood when I’m supposed to do stuff that is more in alignment with my dream.

It’s challenging but it’s part of life as a 20-something adult. I can’t be irresponsible by running away. All I can do is to have better self-management so I can dedicate my free time working toward my future goal.

Right now, I’m just gonna give myself a hug and appreciation that I’m doing well and everything will be okay. And to everyone facing the same problem as I am, I believe you guys will be fine. Have strength because no matter how cruel this might sound, you really have your own self as your best motivator and life’s companion. Anyone else even your family, your lover, or your best friend are humans with their own worries and problems so you have to stand for yourself.

Be brave and always be grateful for even the simplest goodness you have in your life.