As the collective leave isn’t a thing at my office, my Ied’s holidays this year only last from Saturday to Tuesday. Unlike the previous years when I usually spend it by exploring the quiet Jakarta with friends, this year I spent it with my family and got as much sleep as I want. But four days went by so fast and I have to get back to work in a few hours. I’m already dreading it because my day-offs felt too short yet I knew once I’m back at work the weekend will suddenly come just around the corner.

That’s just how time works. You might think 1 year is long but in actuality, it’s a fleeting moment. What you will experience or currently experience become a memory that might even be forgotten as you get older. The same goes for your dreams, your wishes, your wants, and your desires.

I’m sure there were days when you thought that you want to do something… or maybe as simple as wanting to eat something good. As the outcome, you either just do it and get what you want or you might postpone it… maybe because you feel unsure or reluctant so you don’t feel like doing or getting it anymore. Whether it's the outcome A or B, both will end up as a memory that sooner or later will be forgotten.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how many times I ended up with not getting what I want just because I’m not dedicated enough to pursue it. Sometimes I wonder if perhaps it’s because I might be a pushover; going with what other people think is the best and just accepting, sacrificing my feelings, and getting hurt by myself. As I’m getting closer to my 30s, I’m finally able to appreciate living at a slower pace and find the beauty in a calm and quiet life. Even so, I think maybe it’s okay to do something out of ordinary once in a while. That doesn’t mean I need to do something crazy or extreme. Just something that’s a little bit out of my comfort zone is good enough. I also need to be firmer so I don’t end up being dragged into uncertainty.