For most, there is a phase in life when you feel like you don't really know exactly what on earth are you doing. As if you wasted your time living mindlessly. It's like you live because you have no other choice.

Well, you might try suicide but let's be honest, despite the majority opinion that people morally shouldn't end their own life, I personally think that it's more on the fact that even suicide takes so much brave to do. By no means I’m not advocating anyone for being suicidal but it’s just a matter of fact that not everyone have the balls to deliberately face death.

You've tried to end a bad phase but you couldn't. No matter what attempts, as if there should be something big that happens and affect your whole life to force you to reevaluate your view and perspective. A life-changing moment.

The current COVID-19 pandemic that’s still going on is most likely became that one life-changing moment for so many. Funny to imagine how my clueless self back in 2019 who was in the middle of whining over the fact that she reached her quarter-life might claim that it’s just a mere deception if I somehow could find a way to send her a warning. Since by now everyone has realized that the pandemic is affecting them for better or worse (mainly worse), causing a huge scale loss in many sectors. There might be gains if some are lucky enough but seriously… at what cost?

Yet here I am, still somehow living despite the whole situation. That’s a blessing. Or at least that’s what I’m trying to convince myself.

To tell y’all the truth, last year was one of the shittiests I’ve ever experienced in my whole life. Not as bizarre and as complicated as what I experienced during a certain year in my teenage but it was surely the most emotionally and mentally draining. I mean, I’ve been living my entire life trying to avoid reacting strongly to emotions. I’ve always told myself that I’m a very rational being so words and circumstances can never hurt me. I’ve always told myself that I’m someone independent and I can deal with shit on my own.

Thus when the time when I have to wear my heart on my sleeve finally came, it was too much for me to handle. My plans were mostly ruined and I somehow had to face my old demon. I was facing so many unwanted emotions that I even had to seek professional help—which wasn’t really doing anything other than feeling sluggish from the meds I took.

But I survived, I think I did quite well.

Perhaps it’s because I came to reach the point when I realized that my life is just a series of adjustments.

My dreams and values are ever-changing as I get older. I have to let go of my tendency of over-planning and whatever grandiose ideal that I have in mind for something more present and for a life that is kinder for my heart. Since I’ve been ignoring her for so long and drag her into my chaotic mind, it’s only fair to finally listen to what my heart has to say. And with every adjustment that is happening, it’s also very human to feel all sorts of emotions—including the uncomfortable ones. I have to gently remind myself once again that I’m not alone. No matter how cynical I am with the thought that human relationships are fragile, every encounter is never a coincidence. They’re mean to teach or to help no matter how short or long the connection is made. I mean, there’s absolutely no guarantee if someone who’s always been in my life will spend their last breath by the time they reach 100.

Lastly, I want to remind myself that even with every adjustment I’ve made so far, they never mean to make me feel like I’m a fucking loser. Life is not about winning or losing. Life is meant to learn, to grow, and to enjoy the experiences we make every day. Adjustment is open to any kind of possibility and as long as I’m blessed to live another day, chances are following.

For I’m not worthy to judge whether one is good or bad. Because it might be good for me but it might be bad for others, no one can tell.

I’ll just put myself in someone else’s shoes: if it’s happened to me, how do I feel?

Will it affect me? Will it make me happy? Will it suffocate me?

My empathy might not be the sincerest but I’ll quietly, do it anyway.

I’m done trying to mask the ugly side inside me with smiles and bright words.

As I smiled, my heart ached and I felt lonelier than ever.

Pretty words were merely a shell to hide my pity soul that wishing to die for the umpteenth times.

So I said, “It’s enough.”

I wanna live an honest life even when the honest truth about myself might look like a terrible scar to other people.

Oh right! So just recently, Jakarta has MRT as a new option for public transportation. I was pretty late, but finally, I got a chance to ride the current hype of the city (and the country lol). We thought since it was the holiday season, the MRT will be less crowded. But shoot! Again, we were mistaken. I mean, look at this crowd!


Back to my ramen and izakaya plan, because those two were closed, we decided to get our ramen fix at Gandaria City. Where’s the best place to eat ramen there if it isn’t Menya Sakura? Mmm actually, here’s my confession. I haven’t tried this ramen chain before lol. I usually go to either Ippudo or Bari-Uma for my ramen fix. And I regretted that I haven’t tried this ramen sooner.


Yummy! The broth was so flavorful. I can’t decide whether I prefer Ippudo or Menya (perhaps I should go eat there again to decide lol) although I can say that this one tasted better than Bari-Uma. We ordered the chicken karaage as well and I think it was the softest karaage I’ve ever had—soft in a good way. If you haven’t, definitely give Menya's ramen a try.

We stopped by Kitchenette later. Still kinda full of ramen so we only ordered garlic fries and apple crumbles pie. And iced latte for me of course.


Delightfully sweet pie and tasty fries! Give it a try someday (especially the garlic fries).

On the next day, we were going to Museum Macan. I bought the tickets online and surprisingly, there were so many who don’t know that such a simple way exists to save us from lining on a queue.

By the time we visited the museum, the on-going exhibitions were “Matter and Place”, “Dunia dalam Berita”, “Days in Cicadas”, “Yayoi Kusama’s Infinity Mirrored Room”, and “Rubberscape”. We skipped Yayoi Kusama because we’ve seen it before (plus we don’t want to get involved with the long queue) and “Rubberscape“ because we somehow didn’t notice the exhibition was also there ugh.



Not that I blessed with an artistic soul to begin with but sometimes it’s a good thing to spoil your mind by appreciating arts and get knowledge from their backstories. It’s also a good way to de-stress and be present.

My own rule for museum visit is to make sure I’ve seen and learned from everything displayed before I take some photos. If I’m going with a friend, it’s a good chance to exchange interpretations. Some thoughts could be silly and we benefit good laughs from them. Some thoughts could be deep, philosophical, and moving. We might even feel inspired after a fun yet intellectual discussion about arts. That’s an awesome thing about the art museum.


Nothing beats caffeine after an eventful day at the museum. On the same floor as Museum Macan, there’s a coffee shop named 1/15.


The last spot we visited was Kashiwa. This time, it was open, yay!

We arrived at 5 p.m and we’ve seen so many already queueing in front of the door. The izakaya opens at 6.30 p.m but it’s advised to come early just to make sure you’ll be seated. Or you can call the place beforehand to reserve the table.


I could only put this yummy okonomiyaki on this post thanks to the dimmed lightning that wasn’t really made for photography (also I only use a mere phone camera). On the other hand, we were already starving so we swiftly emptied our plates and kinda forgot to take more pictures of the food. For sure tho, I love their food so much!

So far, nothing I’ve ever ordered tastes bad. Everything was delicious, perfectly seasoned, and perfectly cooked. If you want to eat authentic Japanese food with a lot of variants, I highly recommend this place. The foods are very affordable as well, with almost all food priced around IDR 29k. The izakaya serves no pork no lard but they have alcoholic beverages. If you order ocha for a drink, kindly note that this place does not provide free refills. The atmosphere and interior were so Japanese. The television showed Japanese broadcast and there were some Japanese books you can find around. The only minus points are the cramped place and the fact that they don’t have a separate area for smokers.

And that’s it!

I spent the rest two days left to laze around (again) lol hence my blog post will stop here.

So how was your Eid week, readers? Any of you spent your week as lowkey as I was?

See y’all on my next post.