With everything that happened during a year since I left my hometown, I became more skeptical about everything and everyone.
My past, even though it wasn’t perfect, was somehow too good to be true: in a sense of how I did stuff that I love and made me feel alive. Every night I was looking forward to tomorrow. Well, maybe I wasn’t when I had deadlines for my exams or assignments.
Nowadays, I’m living the days by telling a narrative of how I hate myself and everything’s that happening in my life. I might have money from my job, but I’m scared of a lot of things. There isn’t anything in particular that can make me feel alive at the moment.
I became a pessimist.
On a whim, I deleted and achieved most of my posts during my university days. I even made another blog just because I can’t see myself make depressing posts after previous positive writings. Now, I feel kinda stupid because I did that.
So I’m trying to accept that my past is also part of the current me. I might become gloomier compared to before, but let’s say that I’ll just gonna embrace that part of me as well.
And maybe, heal myself little by little.
P.S
But I’m glad that I write something before 2017 ends.
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